Month: June 2014

Something stupid

On the 17th of May something happened for the first time ever in my life. My sweetheart of 4 months and I finally managed to find some decent pizza to munch on and went back to my place to eat in peace as the restaurant was packed full of smokers and loud music. Up to that point I’ve wanted to tell her on numerous occasions what I really felt towards her. It wasn’t just infatuation, it was a sense of belonging and freedom and utter admiration. It was love. Never was I so afraid before to confess my feelings towards someone. I’ve loved before, but never had I been so afraid to utter the words “I love you”. This fear of mine was strange. She gave me sings each and every moment we were together that I meant a lot to her and yet I was still scared. Sometimes we would stare at each other after we’ve ended a long laugh, both wanting to say something, but too afraid to make the first step.

So there we were, after visiting 3 museums, worn out and hungry, eating our pizza and listening to our tunes. Then this song came along that summed up all that I wanted to say and the implications of saying it. I had listened to the song before and I knew the feeling it described, but I’d never expected it to come at such an appropriate time. I felt a vast emptiness in my stomach and decided to hug my beloved. Shortly after she started to drop the pizza slice she was holding. Again and again and again. I could tell she was nervous. Really nervous, but it humored me to see her struggling with that pizza slice so much. Then I became super nervous and was just holding her there while she finished eating. I asked her to play the song two more times. Meanwhile she finished eating her pizza after dropping it a few more times. After the song finished playing for the third time, I mustered up the courage to say what I really felt. I leaned her back, looked in her eyes and whispered “I love you” trying to look confident. She responded in an instant and I squeezed her like it was our last night on Earth together. She wanted to say it for some time as well, but was just as scared as I was. It’s funny how alike the two of us are and ever more interesting is how sweet words of love sound coming from her. It’s uniquely uplifting to be loved by her and a pleasure to be needed by her side. It’s a truly beautiful thing to need someone you love and most of all trust.

It’s a truly beautiful thing to need you in my life.