Month: January 2015

Press any key to get your fix

This friend of mine has this problem. Ok, it’s me! You got me. I am a “game junkie”.

Since I was 13(I’m 22 now) I’ve been into video games and I’ve played my share of most genres. I remember fondly when, in high school, my friends and I would all go online and play for hours on end. My parents were great growing up, but having to take care of an older family member that had a severe drinking problem, plus some other issues really used to get me down. The solution to this difficult situation was none other than hanging around the internet, playing solo or with others for a lot of time. A lot of time. It helped me forget the bullshit. It was simple. Things are simple when you don’t realize that you’re wasting too much time and one day you find yourself playing games so much it’s all you do. That was high school though.
Before I got into med school my father’s uncle (the older family member I mentioned) passed away due to a stroke. Without him around things were easier. Taking care of someone with an addiction for alcohol is harder than one might think. I felt more relaxed and I cut down on my gaming because I didn’t need to escape from reality that much.
Sadly, the past months have gotten me back on this slippery slope that is gaming addiction. My mom’s sickness got worse. An undiagnosed condition that causes her extremely painful pulsating migraines almost 24/7. She’s seen so many doctors, you’d think it’d be better by now. Not being able to do much in this situation and seeing constant suffering has made me get back into my old habits. Escaping just for 5 minutes is great, but 5 minutes is never enough. I’ve tried limiting my play time and failed. I’ve tried quitting several times and failed every time. Now I’m trying again by putting it all down in writing to try and see the bigger picture. Playing too much makes me feel guilty because I don’t get enough work done properly. I want to become a doctor worthy of taking care of his patients. A well informed and empathetic doctor that can offer hope and treat as many people as possible and maybe, just maybe, find new means of treating certain medical conditions through research.

I often have trouble sleeping and become numb from exhaustion. This makes me want to escape as I used to. I get support from those close to me, but ultimately it is a test of will and I’ve never been the strong willed type. It does feel good though; the moment you quit for a while. I makes me feel free, but afterward I imprison myself.

I need to focus on the positives as hard as it might be sometimes. Maybe the sun will shine my way some day soon. Util then I need to make a change. And I should start by breaking the habit.

Dendenland Part I

I feel that tomorrow should be as a second Christmas and even though it is going to be an eventful, busy, busy day I hope that everything will go smoothly and end well. On the 12th of January last year I met face-to-face a lovely young woman that changed both my life and myself for the better. I find myself extremely shy in expressing my gratitude for the moment being, therefore I am sharing this small token of my appreciation:

Snow(not related to Jon)

The first has yet again returned,

My hand held yours as the night’s sky burned

With colors from the brightest of dreams.

We raised our glases through cheers and screams,

Coat covering your shoulder, watch on my wrist,

Make a wish, my love, we all have a wish list.

Clothes and trips and rigs and other silly things

I’d like us to posses and enjoy. A thought clings,

In the back of my mind and it seems to find

A way to push through the moment and grind;

We are ever so fortunate to live this life,

Where we have each other to chase away strife.

The holidays might end, but the World is still mad

There are human beings everywhere too sad,

Too poor, too sick and too jaded to dare to smile.

I know we cannot help them all, but for a while,

Let us think of them and wish them well at least

May they find shelter and love and have a feast.

At least for a few moments each day let us do so,

For we are blessed to have somewhere to go;

A place where our loved ones prosper and live,

Let us remember to respect, appreciate and give.

Through compassion and empathy let us show,

That humanity can cover the Earth just like snow.

Frosty beginnings

My fondest memory of the start of the new year, if not my only fond memory is giving you a piggyback ride back home.
tumblr_inline_mgo4mpa10A1r1v6twThings don’t always go how you’ve planed; parties are mostly as fun and memorable as the people around you; alcohol doesn’t guarantee people will have a good time and if you’re stuck at 5 a.m. in a bar because you can’t go home due to the lack of cabs make sure you take your loved ones home, where it’s nice and warm, somehow(especially if they’re wearing high heels).