The man she calls “father”


Yesterday my beloved tried to get in touch with her father for the first time ever in 20 years since he left home. When she was just 2 years old he went to Israel to work and earn money in order to come back and build a better life for himself, his wife and his baby girl. At least that was what he said when he left and what he promised in the few letters he wrote back shortly after his departure. Even though things sound promising so far, he never came back or even wrote eventually. He just disappeared in another land leaving a sweet child with only her mother to care for her.

The years were full of hardship and her mom could not manage to afford a house so they lived where they could. I cannot imagine the struggle of a single parent raising a child and holding a steady job that pays poorly and gives almost no professional satisfaction. Time went by and the little girl grew into a gorgeous young woman, honest, witty, fun and a joy to be around. A young woman that desires to find out how much she and her father are alike. From the pictures she could tell that she resembled her father a lot. His eyes, his lips, even his nose; you could tell they were related from a mile away.

Almost 22 and the time was long overdue to find out what really happened that made her dad never come back home as he promised. All the people from her dad’s side of the family grew cold and acted like they never spoke to her father ever again since he left, but they lied. They lied for 2 decades. Last year though one of her aunts tried to help and gave her a phone number that held much promise. 

Yesterday she mustered up the courage and gathered 3 crazy kids to help her face her fear and call the number in hope that on the other line there would be someone to call her “daughter”. I’ve never seen her so anxious before. She picked up the phone and called. I could see how tense she was and how much she wanted things to be ok. Someone picked up, but it wasn’t her dad. It was just someone from Israel who couldn’t understand English and so he hung up. She tried again and he hung up again. It was an old person with no clue about the man she was asking for. Sadly we could not find out if her father lived there or not but we’ll try again. Without a doubt we’ll try again.  Maybe some day she’ll look upon the face of the man she calls “father”.

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Serenity

No worries, not a care in the world.
No empty stomach before bed time, no rags for clothes,
Not even a tear shed for self-pity or pain, but who knows?
My spirit is strong, my heart is gold.

No sick loved ones, not a night’s sleep wasted,
No want, no debt, no banks and green bills,
Not even the crack in the smile that kills,
My mind is clear, my body is rested.

No staying at home during holidays,
No lack, no lust, no neediness, no faults anywhere,
Not even the slightest inconvenience to bear,
My restlessness speaks and “rest not” it says.

Dream of days clean,
Forever serene.

Time

Wish I could travel back in time, baby,

Meet you when you were seventeen,

Fool around like kids and just maybe,

Befriend me, be my love’s evergreen.

 –

Come back to the present to breathe,

Deep breaths of my soul; close to you

Even when far, you are all I truly need.

Stay in my arms where things are true,

 –

Though skies are grey, you are always

Dark red like the wild summer sunsets

After the most joy filled of sunny days,

Only warmth, never poisonous regrets.

 –

Fast-forward to the future where I see,

Many more days of spring, by your side,

Quiet autumn leaves in your hair will be

And in winter next to you I want to hide.

Something stupid

On the 17th of May something happened for the first time ever in my life. My sweetheart of 4 months and I finally managed to find some decent pizza to munch on and went back to my place to eat in peace as the restaurant was packed full of smokers and loud music. Up to that point I’ve wanted to tell her on numerous occasions what I really felt towards her. It wasn’t just infatuation, it was a sense of belonging and freedom and utter admiration. It was love. Never was I so afraid before to confess my feelings towards someone. I’ve loved before, but never had I been so afraid to utter the words “I love you”. This fear of mine was strange. She gave me sings each and every moment we were together that I meant a lot to her and yet I was still scared. Sometimes we would stare at each other after we’ve ended a long laugh, both wanting to say something, but too afraid to make the first step.

So there we were, after visiting 3 museums, worn out and hungry, eating our pizza and listening to our tunes. Then this song came along that summed up all that I wanted to say and the implications of saying it. I had listened to the song before and I knew the feeling it described, but I’d never expected it to come at such an appropriate time. I felt a vast emptiness in my stomach and decided to hug my beloved. Shortly after she started to drop the pizza slice she was holding. Again and again and again. I could tell she was nervous. Really nervous, but it humored me to see her struggling with that pizza slice so much. Then I became super nervous and was just holding her there while she finished eating. I asked her to play the song two more times. Meanwhile she finished eating her pizza after dropping it a few more times. After the song finished playing for the third time, I mustered up the courage to say what I really felt. I leaned her back, looked in her eyes and whispered “I love you” trying to look confident. She responded in an instant and I squeezed her like it was our last night on Earth together. She wanted to say it for some time as well, but was just as scared as I was. It’s funny how alike the two of us are and ever more interesting is how sweet words of love sound coming from her. It’s uniquely uplifting to be loved by her and a pleasure to be needed by her side. It’s a truly beautiful thing to need someone you love and most of all trust.

It’s a truly beautiful thing to need you in my life.

A light shade of green

It was 7:30 in the morning. I was riding the bus about a year and a half ago and I was very tired. Most of the people on the bus looked upset or uncomfortable because being crammed in a tight space with strangers will do that to most. Then something caught my eye. Right across from me two very beautiful people were going about their day. They both had light blonde hair, their faces looked scorched by the summer sun and they looked at each other constantly. The first one looked like a tiny version of the other, but the way they acted was the thing that truly caught my attention. The little one was about five or six years old and was smiling constantly at the other one. They didn’t say much to each other, but the older one, who was about thirty-five caressed and kissed the tiny one constantly, receiving hugs and kisses in return. Seeing them interact was a blissful. They both had old tattered clothes one. They were old clothes, a little dirty even, but it didn’t matter. To me those two human beings were at that moment richer than all of the other people on the bus put together. The people around started noticing those two and started smiling a little bit, some of them even started to cry a little. A mother and her little girl managed to show us all on the bus that day that you cannot put a price on happiness. I wanted to bring them home. I wanted to make sure that little girl would get a chance to become someone, but I could not do that. I just didn’t have the means to offer them a better life, but they gave me a reason to smile that day. A reason to appreciate all the love I’ve been given by my own mother and father even more. I got off the bus and even though I cannot remember their faces clearly, I will never forget the priceless love in their bright green eyes.

Broken b’homes

snoopy-

About a fortnight ago my father and I went to a local construction supply depot to buy this and that for our house. When we arrived I saw some dog houses for sale outside of the depot. They look really well-made and were extremely colorful. They reminded me of Snoopy’s dog house and gave me a little bit of nostalgia. A few seconds later I saw this limping dog getting closer to the houses. He (because the dog was male and I don’t like calling animals “it”) looked anxious and it took a peek inside each one of the houses. He wanted to go inside one or two of them, but the employees in the parking lot gave him a cold stare and he limped away to lay down somewhere else.
It’s funny how this got to me. We’ve all faced the challenges of finding a place to call our own. It is not easy. When we find a place we’d like to live, more often than not, we get cold stares of rejection from those around us or from the emptiness of our pockets(or bank accounts), the problems being mostly financial ones. A house is just a house. It takes people and memories to make it feel like home. After all, we’re all just a bunch of wounded animals in search for a place to call “home”.

Wonderful

Hey there, wild child. How’ve you been?

I’ve missed seeing your smile so bright,

To kiss your full lips again I am so keen,

 I hope to dream a little of you this night

                              .

And as often as possible, I will not mind

Finding you where all wishes come true.

A sweetheart so witty, loveable and kind

Loved ones should stick to you like glue.

                              .

You’ve made even the most bitter times

A little bit better and for this I’m grateful

And I offer you my love and these rimes,

Simply reminding that you’re wonderful.