Addiction

Press any key to get your fix

This friend of mine has this problem. Ok, it’s me! You got me. I am a “game junkie”.

Since I was 13(I’m 22 now) I’ve been into video games and I’ve played my share of most genres. I remember fondly when, in high school, my friends and I would all go online and play for hours on end. My parents were great growing up, but having to take care of an older family member that had a severe drinking problem, plus some other issues really used to get me down. The solution to this difficult situation was none other than hanging around the internet, playing solo or with others for a lot of time. A lot of time. It helped me forget the bullshit. It was simple. Things are simple when you don’t realize that you’re wasting too much time and one day you find yourself playing games so much it’s all you do. That was high school though.
Before I got into med school my father’s uncle (the older family member I mentioned) passed away due to a stroke. Without him around things were easier. Taking care of someone with an addiction for alcohol is harder than one might think. I felt more relaxed and I cut down on my gaming because I didn’t need to escape from reality that much.
Sadly, the past months have gotten me back on this slippery slope that is gaming addiction. My mom’s sickness got worse. An undiagnosed condition that causes her extremely painful pulsating migraines almost 24/7. She’s seen so many doctors, you’d think it’d be better by now. Not being able to do much in this situation and seeing constant suffering has made me get back into my old habits. Escaping just for 5 minutes is great, but 5 minutes is never enough. I’ve tried limiting my play time and failed. I’ve tried quitting several times and failed every time. Now I’m trying again by putting it all down in writing to try and see the bigger picture. Playing too much makes me feel guilty because I don’t get enough work done properly. I want to become a doctor worthy of taking care of his patients. A well informed and empathetic doctor that can offer hope and treat as many people as possible and maybe, just maybe, find new means of treating certain medical conditions through research.

I often have trouble sleeping and become numb from exhaustion. This makes me want to escape as I used to. I get support from those close to me, but ultimately it is a test of will and I’ve never been the strong willed type. It does feel good though; the moment you quit for a while. I makes me feel free, but afterward I imprison myself.

I need to focus on the positives as hard as it might be sometimes. Maybe the sun will shine my way some day soon. Util then I need to make a change. And I should start by breaking the habit.